Looking Back

I was driving down a dark road earlier tonight. It was dark, but it had been awhile since I'd been down that road. When I came to the spot, the memories came rushing back. It'd funny how some things latch into your mind, and it's strange the details the mind deems necessary to recall. In that spot on that road almost 10 years ago I was in the worst accident I've ever had. My 2nd daughter was in the back seat, safely buckled into her car seat (thank goodness). My car had a driver's side airbag and I was wearing my seatbelt. We walked away from the crash whole. But the scars on the mind can sometimes be greater than those that may be visible.

I remember that I was heading up to work at my husband's land, I wanted to cut a few select trees down to make room. I had goats up there at the time. My mother in law was bringing my eldest daughter there after having her overnight. I had a small gas can in the trunk, along with a chain saw and various other paraphernalia. The girl I hit was coming towards me and tried to make a left turn... directly in front of me. There was absolutely nowhere I could have gone, nothing I could have done to avoid the accident. Even the police officer said the only way I might have avoided it would have been to stay home. I drove a Ford Beretta at the time, in retrospect a great car with high safety ratings. I hit the girl's truck just behind her passenger door. The front of my car was completely crushed from the impact. My hands were thrown away from the steering wheel by the airbag. My left hand hit the windshield and cracked the glass, my left arm hit the window column between the drivers window and the windshield. My car limped/rolled into a ditch at the side of the road... about 10 feet from a fire hydrant. I didn't pass out, the car was still running (I was shocked) so I turned the engine off. I thought it was smoke I was seeing, but later found out that the airbag has a powder in it to make sure it will deploy.

As soon as I got a few wits about me I got out of the car (it couldn't have been more than a moment), I pushed the drivers seat forward and unbuckled my baby, who wasn't but about a year of age or less. I remember I walked around behind the car, clutching my daughter, shaking and telling DD that it was "okay" as I literally crumpled to the ground. My legs could not hold me up. It was as though I had the strength to get her out of the car, but then everything just failed. The other driver hovered around me apologizing like crazy. I remember that my arms hurt, I was holding the baby with my arms, not my hands. When the paramedics arrived they tried to take the baby to check her over and I did not want to let her go. I remember that everyone was making herculean efforts to keep me calm, I think they knew that I was so much on the edge of hysteria and genuinely tried to keep me calm. It was my first, and last, major automobile accident. I truly hope it stays that way.

We had a lot of trouble getting DD2 into a car seat for several weeks after the accident. She was, fortunately, completely unharmed. The other driver pleaded guilty to her charge of failure to yield. I was 21 years old at the time, she was 17, definitely too young to inadvertently cause the death of a young mother and child. I'm grateful everyday that everything was 'right' and that accident yielded nothing more than a few bone contusions on my arms and a totaled vehicle.

The End of Havanas?

Will this be the end of a long and illustrious breeding program?

Havanas came to our farm and family in the fall of 2002 (I think). They were the main, and only, breed of my second daughter. Over the years I've gone to a lot of trouble and some expense helping her achieve all the goals she set for herself and her rabbits. She has a (very large) BIS trophy and a couple RIS trophies because of them. She was one of the first breeders in the region to have brokens. Her original broken came from the Boyce's, who were responsible for getting the variety recognized by the ARBA.

Overall I found it to be a rather unremarkable breed. Their main attraction being their pelt. A very lustrous coat with deep, penetrating color and luxurious feel. It's no wonder, seeing as this is the breed most commonly used to make rabbit fur coats for people. Their biggest limitation being the low number of available varieties, being recognized only in black, blue, chocolate, and brokens of those three. Surprisingly Lilac is not and has never been recognized, nor does anyone, to my knowledge, hold a CoD or have plans to attempt to make it recognized in the near future. Lilac being a very common result of crossing blue to chocolate it makes little sense to not have it recognized. And it would account for the almost anal way most Havana breeders keep the chocolate variety completely separated from the other varieties (excepting for broken chocolate, of course).

At any rate, earlier today I had a discussion with DD2 about her extreme reactions to my requests for her assistance in feeding. Since the girls have rabbits they own in the barn, I expect them to rotate helping to feed and occasionally to feed without my assistance. DD2 apparently feels the 30 minutes she is required to spend in the barn helping with the rabbits is 30 minutes wasted when she could be doing other things. Our discussion circled around reasons and consequences. If she doesn't wish to take responsibility for her rabbits, then her rabbits will not be available to her for anything else. The real catch is she would still be required to occasionally help in the barn, chores still rotate among the family, after all. She would also not be permitted to show at shows, though she would still have to attend with the rest of the family. Essentially she would lose all the benefits of having rabbits without actually relieving herself of any of the responsibility.

Where I hesitate is in actually selling the rabbits she has. Those are literally 100% her lines. They go all the way back to her very first rabbit. While I would hate to let that go, only to discover that she wants to get back in later, I also don't know if I can have rabbits sitting in the barn, staring at one another, completely useless. I have no desire to show them.

I gave her some time to think it over. She can have that for now.

Facebook Fun

So I've discovered the fun that can be had on Facebook. Farm Pals and Farmville are very fun. Though a bit tedious as one must wait and starting out there isn't much to be done really. Still, I am having fun with it. It's also interesting seeing who I recognize through the various pages. I don't always extend or accept 'friend' invitations, but only because I am still a little hesitant to do so. Thus far it seems quite fun and interesting.

Facebook

Okay, so I'm not really a big fan of Facebook, in fact I really just don't 'get' it at all. What real purpose does it serve? It doesn't really do anything at all, so I just DON'T get it! However, in spite of that, I figured I'd go ahead and sign up for it anyway, maybe I could figure out all the hullabaloo concerning this odd and seemingly purposeless website. I put down my name, e-mail, a password, and my age. That was all it asked for to register. Then the next page came up to an 'add friends' section and listed several people. I became truly freaked out at this point because it was listing people I actually know from online or real life! I went to one of my forums and mentioned my concern over it. Everyone said things like, "you put in your location, it will suggest people that are close to you from that." which I then shot down because 1. I hadn't put in my location and 2. some of the people I recognized live in other states, one is clear across the country! Someone mentioned that it probably got it from my e-mail, which I'm more apt to believe, but I certainly do not want some computer program thumbing through the e-mail contacts on my computer! The more I think on the list of 'suggested friends' the more I am suspecting that is exactly what that program did.

Do you really want just any old program looking through your e-mail contacts? Isn't there another name for programs that do this? Yep, it's called a VIRUS.

Yeah, I'm a little bit frazzled by it, that much is certain.

Massive Disappointment

I swear, sometimes it's barely worth getting up in the morning. I received a call today. "Thank you for your interest, however we will not be extending a job offer at this time." Well it would have been nice to have said something along those lines or at least not to lead me on and make me jump through ten hoops only to whisk the rug out at the last moment. I was so happy to have found employment that would permit me to be home with my children. I was figuring ways to make it work out and considering long-term solutions for the various associated challenges. Only to have one single judgmental error ruin everything. Ah well, by now I suppose I ought to be used to this, however I am not. I do not like being led on with lies and platitudes. But I will soldier on and find a way to make things work for me. Keep going because any other alternative just doesn't make sense to me.

Dwarf Hamsters

These little cuties are Campbell's Russian Dwarf hamsters, about 2 weeks old. Most don't understand why I raise these, but look into those tiny faces and ask again. Even adults retain their adorable features. Many, though not all, are very friendly. Plus they come in a wide array of colors for even the most discriminating of tastes.

Incidentally, this is not their home. Merely a holding pen while their cage is being cleaned. They seem to enjoy sniffing around.

Why I raise rabbits

'Nuff said. ;o)